5 posts tagged “library”
I wish I could break down or enter myself in a hospital. I know I'm mentally ill not at a serious extent but I'd like to at least have my suspicions confuted.
I feel better or at least I feel better, I think there's always some part of me that will be at conflict with itself but don't we all have a bit of that? ...... Okay I acknowledge I'm probably a crazy person XP
I haven't blogged the last two days because the Avatar Marathon Sleepover hasn't permitted me the time to blog to the quality nor quantity I wished so I held it off until after work today. One day I picked up Kathleen from after work and with the way our friendship proceeds usually the invitation of each others company are extended. So that day (the same day I went with my brother to Parramatta) I invited her to sleepover so we could watch the Avatar 1st, 2nd and whatever of the 3rd we could fit :) She politely refused because she had work the next day so instead we made plans for her to sleepover the day after. :D
Okay I don't remember much : ) But yesterday I remember waking up at say.. 11ish? And I remember catching a train without a valid ticket that was probably the most squeamish position I had ever put myself in. You see I had gotten myself all ready remembered everything, but the money. Luckily I got out of it :D I had a bajillion old tickets in my bag so I slipped one of them in and I acted suprised it didn't allow me access to the greener side of the bridge so I just pushed my way through. Lmao :) Breaking the law, look out for your juvenile vagabond Edwina now. Available where all ignoble characters are shipped.
I went immediately to Parramatta Library. That day I planned to finish my Tempest Summaries and read a bit of Brave New World. After half an hour of painful summarising I convinced myself I was hungry and I went to buy myself some food. But wait, you hesitate, didn't I just tell you I forgot my money at home. Yes I did, but what I didn't forget was the gift card my aunt gave me for Christmas which still had $16 left over, much more than sufficient for a weight-conscious 16 y.o no? :O
I arrived at Coles feeling an inexplicable sense of empowerment. Purchasing power in a card, wow :) The pride rush in the veins was unbelievable. I strolled around Coles' aisles leisurely assuring myself that The Tempest would just have to wait patiently whilst I satisfied the hungry growling monstrosity dwelling in my body. My eye was first caught on a bottle of water, water? I need water I never ever get enough so I wanted to do myself a favour, instead of picking it out of the cooler first I decided I'll pick it up later so it'll stay colder longer, lmao. I then went to pick up the snack I would chow on and I settled on a small packet of Smiths chips. So much for weight-conscious, hey! Anything to deceive your better judgement right? :p Okay so I had all the food I needed but I felt dissatisfied I still had money left over and if I left it for next time I wouldnt be as excited since I would only have like 10 somehting dollars. So I strolled along the cosmetics and personal hygiene aisle as I've always had a unresolved strife with not being allowed to buy anything from that aisle. So I strolled for a while, and I came upon deodorant. Okay at this point in time I was really excited about the whole idea of convenience so I searched, and I found. I found these tiny little cans of deodorant and I got really excited about carrying ti around everywhere with me. However I stopped, I realised that I haven't had the need of deodorant for three years, so why would I need it now? So on with the search I then found some cleansing wipes, I always wanted a packet of these to keep in handy so I added it to my now mountain of a pile, yes I am a disrespectful sod for not making use of the baskets provided, so what? Anyways following that it wasn't that hard, I wasnt into makeup so that left me with first aid, and that meant BANDAIDS :D Yay. I was excited that I'd have something resourceful to keep in my bag, yes Amy's words about my maternal streak really struck me, shut up :D Of course I couldve gotten myself some "Hard Rider" condoms, but I don't want to buy things that will go out of date due to obselete rendering :O I went to the counter and handed my card, I warned the nice lady I might not have enough and she gave me a "You're not serious" kind of look, I mean come on :P Anyways, turns out after my little spree I officially have get this, FORTY-FOUR CENTS on my gift card :D What a champion.
I want kids ! :) Am I too young to say that? No way Tegan wants like 26 kids :O I'd love to have something that I created myself lmfao. I mean I'm not a hands on person why not have a kid :D I love kids :) Well most kids, kids who have hissy fits are not in my good books. Not that my kids will have hissy fits -slides whip into an obscure place in backpocket-.
Okay so then I returned to the library whislt feeling really .. well complete :) Self sufficient, not that buying goods from a gift card is really an example of such sufficiency but still ! :D
I returned and realised I couldnt finish the whole book, it would have to wait. So that only left reading, I had a choice between Lolita, the fire of Humbert Humbert's loins or Brave New World the creepily drawing book. And I chose Brave New World, I mean for Ford's sake I own Lolita I have plenty of time to relish every moment. Whilst Brave New World is more pressing, I have to get this SHIT ! :O So I went to Borders where it was MUCH more commodious. I saw Dunja. In fact I stood right in front of her, right up to her shoulder I was. AND SHE DIDNT NOTICE ME :O I stalke dher for a good 10 minutes but her Edwina radar was just not picking anything up. What on Earth? This is Edwina, the most obstructive and intrusive girl on Parramatta, what? :O Weird. So I sat and read for 57 minutes, 57 because I left 3 minutes to travel downstairs and to pick Kathleen up.
The fun you have with no money :)
I explained to Kat about my no money situation and she decided we would be catching the bus her shout :D Pretty exciting, not. The wait was kind of lame, and there weren't any good looking asians. When are there good looking asians? Why is the distribution of good looking asians selfish enough to drain the decent Asian pool of the Pendle Hill/Toongabbie/Wentworthville/Blacktown/Whatever region DRY !? :(
I need a boyfriend. Lmao, do I sound a little bit desperate. I figured if I did he'd be this constant figure in life, and then I'd be forced to set a certain standard of discipline and constancy in my life, for his sake. Bargain both sides right? :p
Lmao, yes despite that highly persuasive speech just then you probably still think I, a meretricious harlot. No matter, I don't care what you think ;)
We got home and got right to it, well I made a Neopets account first but meh. :D The AVATAAR.
Zutara FTP man. I am strongly against Kaang. It's wrong, protagonists don't date chicks 12984093248 years their senior, especially not monkish ones :( I mean look at the crazy mutual understanding going on in Zutara :( Sigh my only source of Zutara pleasure right now is fanart. Meh. :D I know it's going to happen, so it's just a matter of being patient right? :D
I popped popcorn and the meteorite clump of burnt unknown matter (okay popcorn) made a reappearance in my popcorn bag. Okay for those who just arrived, last time I had a Ripleys study day and I also popped popcorn and this foul-stenched of a burnt clump appeared :( Well didnt stop the people on both occassions eating around it lmfao.
OMG KUTARA ! :( NO NO NO NONONONO :'( Maybe I'll get myself terminally ill and request the people to make it ZUTARA ! :D
Hurrah.
Okay we watched it until 5am in the morning. Uh did I feel disgusting, I laid there right throgh the transition of light. It was uber dark and it became light in a flash I witnessed it all and I realised I hadnt fallen asleep. Pretty bad. Oh it was Kat and I on the one single bed lmao. :D She kicks, and nudges and steals the blankie T T" Blanket hog, but shes still an awesome sleepover guest :)
So that night we finished both seasons and today we watched all that we could of the Avatar 3rd Season :D We had McDonalds for breakfast. Man the arselicks didnt give mum sauce and Kathleen and I had to eat it barenuggeted. That is just sick, if there's one thing I can not tolerate it's sauceless nuggets. Watched some mediocre tennis and we got back to the Avatar.
ZUTARA ! :D
Sweet dreams. Mono tomorrow, Lmao let's see how it goes?
That inkling of a cold feeling. I also have pins and needles repeatedly pricking my foot, painful.
My son of a mother brother has godparents. Those godparents bought him a freaking PSP. I want a PSP but do I get one, no, I don't even have godparents. Stupid buddha (note this is the name ive adopted for hte sibling due to his uncanny physical resemblance to him), he always gets the cleaner end of the stick. Oh Edward gets to go to Brisbane, oh Edward gets to go ski-ing, oh ho Edward gets to learn karate. Geez I feel like old school chinese values have been impoesd on this household with all that patriarchal bullshit. You don't hear the word matriarchal all too often =/ Women need to take action against this inequality and mistreatment. Yah ! Words that currently run through my mind are
castration, revenge, vengeance, outrage
Geez louise Buddha cried today because I managed to convince him I got more noodles for dinner than he did so then my papa had to scoop out half my bowl of noodles and put it in his, spoilt son of a mother. He has no sense of self-reliance whatsoever, what about when my parents are dead (I can see that cringe)?! Who's going to pat him on the back then, I sure as heck won't, I'll be busy earning multi-million bucks.
I WANT A PSP. FREAKING HECK. I've decided that until they'll buy me something that is usually unattainable, I will not be an obedient child for those two (parents i.e.).
fuck. Okay all my anger that I've been attempting to exert was released thanks to that 4-lettered word, fantastic.
I have power walking tomorrow.. and for the first time ever I'm doing it all by myself oneself, cool hey? :) It'll be beneficial to my muse. I'm breeding myeslf to the individual I need to be when I grow up, I can't always rely on someone. I'll have my iPod&cons that'll be enough. Wait will I be wearing Cons? Who knows.. I still want double tongues >>" I wanted them ever since they came out.
I miss Muskaa.
Blasphemousdamnit. I have mono tomorrow & I havent washed my hair. Double shot down ! BANG BANG. LGLG
GG ! Okay Edwina..
KATHLEEN IM OVER MYSPACE :) ILL AVENGE MY HEART AND WHEN I TROD ALL OVER THAT ASSHOLES HEAD TIL ITS A BLEEDING MOSHPIT ILL BE GOOD. :)
My feet are still pinning and needling. >>
Crap Japanese homework. Jyane ! I'm going to shower sorekara attend to my japanese homework.
Sorry Einstein but I'm not even going to quote that. MOOHAHAHAHAHA. Anyways.
This one time I was at the library during recess prior the period I had Japanese that was held in the conference room in the library. Well anyway, the bell rang and Amy who was with me outside left to get more stuff out of her bag ready for the Japanese lesson. So I decided to stack all out things that got up to 50 cm in height so I could carry it all. I did all this where all the stuff on one side of the table whilst I was on the other. I leaned in and tried to grab it all and failed miserably. Ms Vine the local librarian noticed this and asked me why didn't I just move to the side where it was more convenient for me. I had a long think about this afterward and i realised it was all due to outside influences. The chinese takeaway shop. Whilst working under time restraints instead of moving over to the other side of the table to raech the meals at my convenience I lean in and pull it in. Strange how everything, even the tiniest thing has an effect. In this case it affects how I go about in doing things. Strange indeed.
This morning I woke up just past midday. At this point my mind was devoid of the usual morning bore and I was hyped and perky to go.
Hi, my name is asshole and I like being abstract and indirect about anything even slightly derogatory in terms of a person.
It's like yes it's probably a bad thing but how old are we all? It's like condemning us to the lives of convention before we've gotten the chance to wander off into the big bad woods, get raped by a wolf and learn the lesson ourselves. If anything all this lecturing and preaching is only a bigger incentive to act out and defy anybody.
I really feel that the one thing I need right now is freedom. I need people to stop caring, okay reword stop worrying. Stop frowning, stop the disdain, fucking stop it all. See the use of profanities is eye-catching, abrupt and hence this technique shows my sudden change in tone. English prep, excuse me.
It's all so contradictory, immaturity. Maturity isn't letting the hairball underneath the carpet accumulate to a mound. Maturity isn't doing jack shit (Ah ha Jack) about it .Maturity isn't blaming it on another when it obviously just that one person's fault. Maturity isn't evident at all with the way you're acting.You think you're so grown up, so goddamn virtuous.
I wonder why I don't give a fuck.
Anyways these days I've noticed I hardly talk to anyone online. Maybe I'm glad, maybe I'm anxious. I don't know I've just accepted it all as axiomatic, I don't mind. It's probably better this way too seeing as I wont see a majority of these people in my life after year 12.
Oh my, what a distraction. Anyways I had my leftover Peking Chicken for breakfast this morning whilst i oven baked my brothers mini meat pies. It's cool I had a choice of whether to have meat pies and I chose Peking Chicken. This demonstrates not only my improved healthy diet choices but also my asian loyalty. Ah ha.
Anyways, afterwards I played around with MSN for a while. Oh my god I have got to get my schoolwork act together.
Katrine and I decided to meet up at the library. Whilst walking to the station Katrine calls me and tells me that the library isn't open on public holidays. Great. So I told her it was too late for me and I told her I'd meet her at mono instead. However, as sweet as she was she told me she'd meet me at the library. Aw.
Trains are still as unreliable as ever. My memory had informed me that the next train would come at 1:46 but nooo.. I get to the station at 1:40 and find out the next train will only come at 2. Grumbles. What's a girl who earns five dollars a night supposed to do in a situation like that?
Oh well got the Homebush at 2:40. Pretty ineffecient I know.
Walked to Flemo with Katrine until she realised she didn't have any money but an ATM card so we decided to go to Strathfield so she could withdraw some money. We went to a Korean supermarket and bought many food. I bought seasoned seaweed paper. Ironic. I used to abhor seaweed paper. Now I can't get enough of the stuff.
Anyways after all that we went to tutor. Ah ha. 36/38 for a mono test, finally a decent mark I could boast of this year.
Well today my mum couldn't pick me up fromt he station so she sent the paedophile who lives in my backyard to pick me up. You know he's not an outright paedophile but he's got that eery nice grin and his balding and he looks at you extremely earnestly. It's repulsive. So when I heard about this I almost choked on my tongue. Anywho, I got into this guys car and I was already gnawing away at my arm with my fingers. He was supposed to drive me to the chinese takeaway shop and instead he gets us lost. I know it's already proceeding into a rape plot right? Anyways I sit in the car for 20 minute whilst his outside underneath a street sign as if standing underneath it will give him a sudden sense of direction. Finally he starts driving in the completely opposite direction. The funny thing about all this is Ive actually known the way all along. So my mum calls me and she talks to the guy to get him to take me home isntead. So i do the role of directions and point around until we get home but he doesnt stop! So I start worrying thinking he's actually going to go with the unconsensual intercourse thing. He then tells me in mandarin and thank god I have a rough idea of it all that he's going to take me to the takeaway shop. He asks me if I know the way and I make the universal sound of nngh which really means yes it's not a groan or anything. ;D So I point him and I finally ge there and have a loong whinge to my mother about how bad an idea it was to get HIM to drive me to the takeaway store. I had satay chicken and beef for dinner. Oishii dayo!
I want to have kids. I know it's probably a little young but I love kids. All the more reason that my true occupation should be a teacher but still. The pay is still awful, I know it's immoral to be working for the money but we live in a society where you can't function, exist without any sort of monetary backing. Maybe I'll be like a tutor teacher. God I want kids! Someone incredibly rich, handsome *so forth with the list etc_ let me have your kids! That's why I'm going to be an accountant by the way, money. At the chinese takeaway shop a man brought his son and he was sooo incredibly adorable ! He looks at me and does thsoe waves only little kids can get away with. I grin stupidly and wave back. See he was eating MAMEE noodles and I was eating crisp noodles so I point that out.
"Hey you're eating noodles" I swear if my child was being talked to by a teenager at the local chinese takeaway shop I'd be worried too. Anywho the kid nods and I tell him I'm eating noodles too. Oh gosh he was so adorable, he was wearing those shoes that don't ahve a hard sole and he was also wearing Bob the Builder. I mean no one likes Bob the Builder anymore not even those cool rad teenagers that like anything thats on ABC kids. =/
He points at the fishes and says "You've got fish" and i was like AHHH . I want kids man. VOX hear my plea, your most probably only 15.y.o blogger is begging you to bestow upon her a child!
Anyways my aunt who helps out at the shop drove my brother and I home. My aunt asked us if we wanted to sleepover and I politely rejected since I couldn't because I had to go on an EAT (<3) outing tomorrow but I left the opportunity still hanging for my brother. He declined saying our mother probably wouldn't let. BUT me being the cool older sister told him to go and that i'd deal with our witch of a mother. :)
Well I don't have anymore to blog about.
Teen self - hate moment #2 : I'm an ugly fat cow.
Much Love.
<edit> I just read some Voxers' blogs. I am immature but not in the way it would give the asshole some sort of satisfaction. Damn hedonist, no i kid the boy's abstinent for life as far as i know. Anyways, they all have something deep and meaningful to blog about and here i am blabbing away about my bout with an almost rape. Sigh. </edit>
Well today, I got the incredibly inadequate amount of six hours of sleep, but in accordance to what amanda said which reflected on some aspect of truth, six hours is already alot on my standards.
I packed my bag and pulled up my socks for my first day of school. Correction, I never pull up my socks unless it's the pair with no elastic and today was actually my last day of school. I need a proper bra, these bikini bras can not be good for the likes of my breasts. Anyways caught the bus, the serenity was flabbergasting. Gosh, the longing for everyday to be identical to the one today is incredibly high right now. In retrospect, the olmCeeluts have adopted the kawaisou boy, Fahzit to be their new playmate.
Sluts : Hey what's your name?
Fahzit : Fahzit.
Sluts : Fahresh? ROFLMAO WE"RE GODDAMN FUNNY.
Fahzit : Fahzit.
Sluts : Fahzim? LMFAO.
Fahzit : Fahzit.
This Fahzit boy is pretty f**king cocky. Anyways, OlmCeeluts finished yesterday due to their religious perks. This morning Fahzit in his gangster hood on and all, yo, sits at the back all by himself and im like ha. Then his curry gangster friend struts up to the back and says
"Yo, where's your beeeetchez?" I swear he said beeeetchez! Oh my lord, teenyboppers these days never fail to make me laugh.
At school, I read more of my book, it's certainly taking longer than I expected but overall it's still an exceedingly fabulous book.
In roll call, I read some more. I'll miss Miss Micado, because she's one those teachers you only come across ever so often like Mr. Jack. They're both still young enough to be able to empathise with us without being too virtuous/conventional.
During scripture, I worked on my Economics homework and subsequently copied notes for my Ancient History.
Economics was okay until I found out I did pretty freaking mediocre in my assessment. It was awful my expectations were set up there but i end up getting down here Sigh. Oh well.
I stood outside the library unloading my things as usual to hide in the library when Amy comes along. She says "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" and for once I know exactly what she's thinking. I wonder when Amy and I are in our 20somethins would we experience our midlife crisis then and by the time we're in our 40s what would happen to us? It's very cool it's like us two have ESPN in a way, we always have inside jokes, double entente glimpses and all sorts of amusements.
Japanesee was okay, achieved close to nothing since Amy and I spent the entire double lesson speed reading the book "1001 books to read before you die" ha. I have quite a few new books to read on my list now :)
Maths was okay, I got 43.5 ! =D Which means if done right I'll be rounded off to 44 which pushes my ranking just that further bit higher. :) Silly mistakes I made thats all , like in one question i mistook my 4 as an 11 and did the rest of my looong question based on that 11 and hence got it wrong :)
Lunch was okay, I can't really remember what we did I went to the area as usual. My god my school days are so uniform, get to school, class, recess in library, class, lunch in area, class and go home. Maybe the holidays will sort things out. On Tuesday, I think, I'm going Burwood with Amy, Tania and maybe Rayanne. We're watching Becoming Jane :)
Anyways afterwards was Ancient History, the sheets that were supposed to be passed down to the substitute teacher somehow got lost along the way so we basically bludged for the rest of the lesson.
English was really cool, under the pretense that our assessment preparation was far more important than clean up we stayed in and prepared for our assessment next term which is like a prepared impromptu (i did notice the paradox) extended response i guess.
The bus trip was okay, all it really consisted of endless profane slandering between Amanda and the girls we usually don't mix with because we're immiscible haha. stupid chem. stupid bias.
Stupid everything really.
Holee was okay. Ate alot of food and my mum says I'll become fat like she always does but for some reason today I believed her.
Jyane.
To my beloved one of two sisters, Kathleen.
Thank you. I don't know but thank you is all that really seems fitting in this situation. If I was you, I would wish that Edwina would get over herself and him, maybe you already do but that's okay thanks for not saying it aloud. I don't know the support you provide the kind of indifferent yet supportive care is really nice.
Tokorode, enough of my recessive love life.
At the beginning of today, that being midnight I woke up from a deep nap. You see the day before at 11:40pm I was studying one of my four pages worth of vocabulary pages on my hardcore (literally) bed. I woke up at 12am the next day realising i somehow managed to take myself a nap. So from 12-3:40am i studied. Great.
I studied on the bus, I studied at school, I studied during roll call, I studied during scripture and I studied during recess. Yet I still fail to do my very best in the darned test. That's deplorable.
The maths test I'm proud to say without any modesty, was owned. Whilst completing the test I realised I couldnt factorise one of the lines and I asked miss if i was doing it wrong or if there was an error and she completely misinterprets it and says she can't tell me. Ten minutes later with a conversation with the teacher next door we find out the exact question I was complaining about is un'do'able. Ha. Ownage.
God I have got to stop saying ownage, own, pwnage, pwn. I've also gotta stop with the blasphemy. Im just vain.
I love you Kathleen! =D
It's kind of disheartening that if still-dont-know who sees myspace everyday couldnt make it with him then the odds against myself are .. haha.
The song that is perpetually reiterated in my head is Low Happenings by he Howling Bells. It I don't know, it's alluring. It contains betrayal we're all to familiar with in a standard 3-4 minute song. I love it.
These really are the hard years aren't they? Everybody has their own little problems with their head 5cm away from being smashed against the wall from the consistent stress of assessments, romance and god bless them , our parents.
My friend Muskaa Andel, I must say is the coolest person in the world. Then she left at the end of year 8 because my school wasnt high enough calibre for her. That cut.
Recently i initiated contact with the fabulous Ms Andel it's nice to know that the wallpaper friendship can still ensure us a decent conversation. Ha.
I'm currently reading Four Play another badly written contemporary romance novel. I feel obligated to read it because I borrowed it and now it's like a month overdue. Ironically I had another overdue book in my library books pile yet I completely dismissed it because I found the entire British-American war/Romance thing boring.
Anyways after maths I remember going to the library to practice my oral assessment. Dear god (BLASPHEMOUS) it's alarming to notice I am increasingly found more and more in the school library. People in my group automatically assume that in my absence I will be at the library it's quite weird. Keredomo, I don't mind. If it gets me a 95+ UAI im happy to live in the library.
The only real highlight of the day worth mentioning was the excavation kits we got during Ancient History. They are the bomb. They smell fabulous too. I don't know something about scraping around in clay with a paddle pop stick is really instigating in a non committed way.
I feel kind detached at the moment. I think about males, I think about one and then immediately think about the other. Now i've cut down the masculine lotto pool to two.
The corny friends are forever things are really true huh?
Much Love my starpowder puffs. Eat well.
