Today during Mufti Day I kept getting the feeling that it was just really hard to breathe. Okay not hard to breathe, but there was this sense of oppression on me. Like it was hard to move or live. Throughout the day I had these moments where I would feel so repressed and it made me feel totally uncomfortable with everything including the people around me.
Escapism indeed was necessary. So i ducked out of a group conversation and slept on a table listening to The Pierces. It felt pretty good, enjoying the music and staring at the comfortable to the eye clouds.
Also today I was the only sad sod to bring her school bag let alone her folder to school on a mufti day. Lmao. Oh well? :)
There's a certain desperate air on mufti days. Something rather ostentatious.
Mankind is really displeasing me at the moment. Hence why I've ostracised and locked myself in this room.
I just realised that I never received a reply.
Not even a fuck off or a i like you too.
My cheek really aches.
I was nervous all day, but i wasn't crazy nervous as I told the half good looking male nurse Matt. I drank sufficient amounts of water, or so i thought.
So it happened, i went into the interview and i told the lady about how much i drank and she asked what else i drank... expecting i would say more. Trouble was i didn't, that was all. SO i lied and said i had a little more water.
So i felt alright during the draining. And i felt alright afterwrds when shopping with Helen at westfields. Trouble was whilst walking I developed a tummy ache which in the past always signified an impending collapse. I sat down and immediately felt heavy headed, i couldnt lift my head up. It was a little eerie, like a darkness falling atop you.
I told Helen I felt like throwing up which i did sort of because my throat contracted and I got up and told her to take care of our stuff. I started walking and i thought to myself i'd probably start to lose vision which at that precise moment i did. I remember trying to go to the bathroom despite my lack of vision but then i remember my hands going out breaking my fall and my cheek followed by my chin crashing against the floor. I remember laying there for a little while before I heard voices asking the OMG what happened type questions? My head was so weird ! Uber spinning. I remember we kept repeating blood donation. LMAO the security guards calling for an ambulance and i had to pull myself up and reassure them it wasnt necessary. I didnt want my parents to know. Mum thinks i bumped my chin on a table when i fell. Lmao.. so yeah i had to go lie on a couch for a while and afterwards we had some hot hcips.
Scary, a guy committed suicide at the same time i fainted. Like two people could've died yet they chose that poor fellow/miss instead of me. And i thought all the barricades around parra was for me ^ ^;; HOLY CRAP EDWINA'S FAINTED DON'T LET ANYONE COME IN SHE NEEDS TO BREATHE LMAO !
I have a bruise on my jaw it really hurts.
Today in say 16 or so hours I will be revisiting the horror inducing Blood Clinic at Parramatta to redonate blood. People need my very very ubiquitous A+ blood >:)
AHAHA, they all say it's easier the second time. I doubt it, i'm nervous already. Which really goes to say how big a pussy I am.
Oh well it's for a cause, I'd like to know in the future when I'm decrepit and senile some silly youngster believes it's the right thing to do to give their blood to me instead of keeping it to themeslves. Lmao.
+ Free food. Yum :9
Okay wish me luck and pray with me I won't faint or anything due to recent events and thus an accumulation to an explosive Chenobyl like meltdown :p
LOVE.
Perhaps a life-altering turning point in my secondary education?
Today I got 19/20 for my Economics case study. I wasn't really expecting, usually the marks come in when it's fortuitous. So much stuff to think about, can I even maintain this mark? I hope I can, my mind just said No but I forced that out, because I'd really like to believe that my reasonable well to do marks are sustainable.
Ahaha, the bus driver sped past the most abhorred, Greasehead at the bus stop today lmao. Greatest moment of the day.
I'm so tired today, not really tired okay I lied.
The day's just cruising by with my very minimal self-input to life itself.
Connie raised an interesting point. Time seems more transient as we grow older. And yes that can be reasoned by the growing responsibilities imposed upon our growing selves. That's kind of sad. I'm not/kind of looking forward to watching my kids (if any) grow up. :) Grow up because.. it's probably a innate maternal instinct thing and not looking forward to it because I'll bve growing old with them.
Yuck.
I still can't accept the fact that I'm going to grow old.. like grandmother old and die some day. Sigh. I honestly do try to live life the fullest but lol things keep popping up that allows me to dwindle on the past.
Digressing.. Good night !
Today/Yesterday was supposedly a festive day. Festive my herpes, I could've slit my wrists and that would've represented the meaning festive a little better than today/yesterday.
411, family get-together and the only appeal was to see the Kerry,Jen and Mark. So I turned up and this obese of a fellow that's probably my age drops he's jaw as if he's preparing to eat me. So nasty, the whole day I had him eyeing me like a vulture for a big juicy piece of meat. The whole place was so loud and painful. I wanted to read The Tempest, or cube in silence but no family get togethers instantly signify the need for disruptive noise.
I hardly ate, I remember it was because I walked in and I saw the roast pig, with its head. Like.. that animal was roaming around in the grass before us savage humans slit its throat. So when the hostess with the mostest (laughing at the mostest) plopped a plate of roast pig on the table, I was fully ready to join the Bulimics United Association. They practically diced that pig into edible pieces.
Ah the hail. I liked the wind produced, v. refreshing. I kind of wish it was snowing, you know to completely conceal our previous footsteps, our past.
No I'm kdding I'm just glad I thought something so very deep, I don't give about the past.
I still think about the confession lmao. It's present there in my mind but with no real meaning. Just there as a fact of life and nothing of value attached. I'm reasoning within myself that it's probably because it's my very first Baby Born confession. Lmao.
It'll slip my mind rest assured. I think about Ben alot lmao i'll admit but i think about plenty of other guys alot too so I guess that truly should mean that everything is rather insignificant.
Oh my god why do I keep blogging about it?
My gosh ! Am I at that stage of life when I'm lesbian yet, yeeesh.
Okay so this blog is beginnig to feel like a log of experiences associated with this whole romance process.
1. I don't feel bad at all, feels like nothing at all has happened.
2. Everybody has been fretting over me reassuring that I could've done so much better so and so forth, who cares?
3. Lmao everyone's going on about how he's not worth it and I was like that's not nice XD
4. I'm feeling pretty dandy in fact, more time to think about other stuff.. though occassion proves that usually it's nothing more than cubing and taking care of Ted.
I'm hoping for some sort of catastrophic blow up on either side, I'd feel more reassured that whatever I've done hasn't gone to waste.
Enough of that lousy mousy business :) Today I had foregone a delightful opportunity to go out to city with people I hardly ever talk to. Haha, darn. Why the tuck would I go to the city with you lot, when I never knew about it let alone the fact I wasn't invited anyways. I'm beginning to really dislike all of you. Cats out. Each and everyone of you are so evil in your own inherent way. I mean I'm no exception considering I hung around you guys, I'm bound to be moulded a little bit disproportionately. Like man.. I can't believe I missed out on K, Capitals and Galaxy AGAIN. Darn.. hahah I wonder why.. other than the fact it's repetitive to tears and absolutely uninteresting. Theres YOU who is too high and mighty to worry about others, theres YOU who lives in your own bubble concerning yourself with others only when its beneficial to yourself and then theres YOU who's letting something stupid and immature take control of your life.
Yeah yeah, reply back with my blatant imperfections. Doesn't matter. I'm quitting ronnknee.com by the way, if the conspicuous indictments aren't clear enough. You're all like some sort of disease.
Do I sound like a dissatisfied, angry teenager? Well doesn't suprise me considering I am a teenager. And yes if you're 50 something shaking your head knowingly, don't. You're generations too old to understand, now I sound ignorant. Haha.
Is this another box I can tick?
Today I told Ben that I liked him even when he specifically said he didn't want to date anyone. I guess I did it just so it would end. Lmao, I'm worried about the post-effects, not the immediate ones like right now cos I feel quite normal. Will it affect me in the long run, like my self-confidence or my trust in males or something ? :p
Omg, I don't wanna go emo : |
So I willingly walked myself into a personal self-affliction as opposed to remaining in this idealistic dream that the outcome might be somewhat different, why? :D
AND WHY DO I INSIST ON THE USE OF SMILING SMILIES. Am I using it as a masking tool of the inner-anguish I'm feeling.
Well my hearts stopped jumping, and Ive stopped choking on the same heart. So yeah, I'm fine :)
I feel the beginning of a headache.
Goodnight cherished Vox readers !
Or so she wishes.
Good evening refreshing Vox readers.
It's in my uninhibited pleasure to inform you that I have solved my very own Rubik's cube...for the 12th time.
Yes the transition from embarassing, haphazard noob to someone somewhat less of a noob is a journey worth documenting in one's HSC journal log.
I slept at 5am the night before the last, why? I was cubing. Dedication is the foundation of progression and my gosh, I'm praying for a growth in my skills at an immeasurable godspeed.
I really should stop digressing from what should be my main focus of the night.
So Au Revoir my loved readers. Sleep in a bed fit for a queen. Or a king if in the unlikely odds you're a male. My my, are you gay? Because I'm pretty sure reading my writing, would make you entirely gay especially if you've persisted this far. :)
But I like gays, I want one as a shopping partner. Shallow is this entity you behold, is she not? But admit it, you want a dashingly handsome yet off-limits young man to dispose brutal honesty when it comes to the perennial question "Does my backside bloat in this?" And in my case, honesty in this situation is crucial as I practically have a float attached to my lower back.
And yet again I've managed to divert my attentions. Good Night.
In just reading over hte past 7 blog entries I realised I'm a very frustrated and dissatisfied being. I find it hard to maintain some sort of mitigated balance between irritation and down right agression. Why bother when the satisfaction of relieving that pressure is so utterly relieving?
Oh well. Lately I've been seeing my primary school classmate/dude/whatever around alot because I've taken up the habit of utilising that extra time to sleep and started catching hte train. Okay enough digression, so i see him around and it's absolutely disturbing. This guy belongs to a bygone epoch, so now this blast from the past is slightly nostalgic. A little bit overwhelming and certainly anachronistic, I remember saying the only line in mandarin I knew to him primary school and it turned out to be some sort of offensive slang in his language. Lmao :) That's all I remember. It's kind of sad how it's not just your life progressing forward, people you've forgotten are living a life. Without you.LMAO, YUCK BRA not that I want to necessarily be in his life for heaven sakes I dont really give a second hoot if I was to never see him again, but it's kind of sad as self centred as it is to think that life can actually continue without you. :O You know the world really doesnt need to maintain you as a centre to function and yeah. Often I think about my classmates especially the male ones (at tutor, at tutor :p ) and I wonder about who they'd get married to. And it's frightening because it's far off yet it's not impossible, I can actually envision a nice little wife for every one of them.
Watched Gossip Girl, the book series that I enjoyed rather IMMENSELY. V. good show, that hot guy from John Tucker Must Die is on it Yum :) I just realised a first time reader (if any) would think me highly superficial based on the title of that novel i read. WELL PUCK OFF. Yes it's a little bit adolescent dragggy, and backstabbing but can't every girl have her literary vice? Mine's reading about other's teenager disasters :)
I'm ranting to avoid sleep. Good night.
